I find it quite funny (and a bit annoying, I know) that I go on writing-binges, all motivated with my work/learning/teaching, and then disappear for 1.5 years. Time stands still on a blog…”yesterday” in my posts was actually 1.5 years ago. Creepy. So much has happened since then. A new human was created in the meantime. A gorgeous now-4-toothed-naughty human.
Speaking of the new human, lately I’ve become acutely aware of how having children can consume all of what you thought was ‘you’. I’ve mentioned it before — just when you feel you’ve found your identity, when you start to relish in all the “things” and routines that make you feel “you”, a baby can come along and wipe you out for a good few years. Like eating out? Not anymore! Like jogging? Not with two milk jugs on your chest! Like sleep? As if! Pregnancy, newborn, breastfeeding, preoccupation with nappies, puree, bottles, teething, tantrums, all in the haze of sleep deprivation….I enter into a “mommy” cocoon of sorts. I’ve needed to in order to stay sane. For a a while it’s almost like your body and mind don’t belong to you anymore. A good few years before you find ‘yourself’ (and your spouse, and your friends?) again. Finally, the ‘you’ that you do find sometimes resembles the old one, but sometimes doesn’t. You lose (and gain) a few friend in the process, get closer to (and at times, further from) your partner, decide what part of you to do away with for good, and what parts will re-emerge. I’m in the process of finally feeling like I can make space for the other parts of me to come out again. New and improved, right? 😉